Once but never again! / One time only! [Dutch phrase of the week]

Literally “One time, never again” this informal expression implies that the experience was bad or disappointing and you have no intention to go through that again voluntarily. Therefore it is a bit stronger than just a ‘one time affair’.

You will also hear the (more formal) expression “Eens, maar nooit weer”, which has the same meaning.

Examples:
– “Ik ben vanochtend met de tram naar het werk gegaan. Eén keer nooit meer, wat een plebs!”
(“I took the tram to work this morning. Never again I say, what plebs!”)

– “Ik heb laatst meegedaan aan speed-daten. Nou, één keer nooit meer, want dat werkt dus echt niet!”
(“I have recently participated in speed dating. Well that was a one time affair, because it really doesn’t work!”)

– “En ben je nog koffie wezen drinken in the Amsterdam American Hotel?” – “Ja, en het was één keer nooit meer, wat een afzetters!”
(“And, did you have coffee in the Amsterdam American Hotel?” – “Yes and I will never go back, what a rip-off!” Mind that “afzetten” is the verb for “serious overcharging” for something (goods or service). The use of the verb “wezen” indicates an activity (a longer period of time).)

impossible, tough, very unpleasant [Dutch phrase of the week]

This phrase is used when things are difficult or almost impossible to accomplish or when a situation is tough in general. And this can be anything, from lousy weather to climbing the Mount Everest and from boring presentations to difficult exams. You can use it as part of a sentence but also on its own.

The translation is a bit difficult to give, it depends a lot on the context. Literally it says: “not to be done” or “not doable”.

Examples:
– “Het was niet te doen in de stad vanmiddag, veel te druk!”
(“It was very unpleasant in the city centre this afternoon, way too crowded!”)

– “Door een ongeval op de A13 was het voor veel automobilisten vanochtend niet te doen om Den Haag te bereiken.”
(“For many drivers it was almost impossible to reach the Hague this morning, due to an accident on the A13.”)

– “Het was niet te doen om mijn fiets te reparen, ik heb niet het juiste gereedschap.”
(“It was impossible to repair my bicycle, I don’t have the proper tools.”)

– “Ik vond het examen echt niet te doen, belachelijk gewoon!”
(“I though the exam was too tough, just ridiculous!”)

– “De presentatie van de directeur was zo saai, het was gewoon niet te doen, ik ben in slaap gevallen!”
(“The managing director’s briefing was so boring, I just couldn’t handle it, I fell asleep!”)

And that’s all there is to it! / That’s how it’s done! [Dutch phrase of the week]

You can use this phrase to conclude your explanation of how something is done. Usually it implies that it is not all that difficult.

Literally the expression “Dat is het hele eieren eten” translates to “That is the whole egg eating”. Weird people the Dutch, are they not?

Examples:
– “Je neemt de tram naar CS, de trein naar Schiphol, je checkt in bij balie 16 en dan direct door naar de paspoortcontrole; dat is het hele eieren eten!”
(“You take the tram to central station, then the train to Schiphol, you check in at row 16 and then straight to passport control; that’s all there is to it!”)

– “Luister mamma, je doet eerst Control-Alt-Delete, dan selecteer je ‘Taakbeheer’ en dan stop je gewoon het proces! Echt, dat is het hele eieren eten!”
(“Listen mom, you first do Control-Alt-Delete, then you select ‘Task manager’ and then you just stop the process! Really, that’s all there is to it!”)

I wasn’t born yesterday [Dutch phrase of the week]

"Achterhoofd" is composed of "achter" and "hoofd", which respectively translate to "behind" and "head". Hence, this phrase literally translates to "I haven’t fallen on the back of my head". It is used to say that you are not ignorant, dumb or stupid.

Examples:
– "Probeer je me te bedriegen, makker? Ik ben toch niet op mijn achterhoofd gevallen!"
("Are you trying to cheat on me, pal? I wasn’t born yesterday, you know!" Note that "toch" is translated with "you know"; it expresses an implicit request for confirmation. In this case, "toch" could also be translated with "was I?" at the end of the sentence.)

– "Laat je niet afleiden door zijn/haar uiterlijk, hij/zij is zeker niet op zijn achterhoofd gevallen."
("Don’t let yourself be distracted by his/her looks, he/she certainly wasn’t born yesterday.")

– "Ja, ik ga echt geen 2,40 betalen voor een biertje, ik ben niet op mijn achterhoofd gevallen!"
("Yeah right, no way I’m going to pay 2.40 Euro for a beer, do they think I’m stupid or what!" Unfortunately, in more and more places in The Hague, a beer costs 2,40 Euro!)